Every so often, the human disappears. (Must be a wanderer). She puts her things into a big box (which is fun to jump in), then snaps it shut and leaves. Of course I’m not happy, but if another human turns up to replace her, they’ll have to learn my routine quickly, or suffer claw marks around the ankles.
I was traumatised the last time the human left, because she packed me off to a prison – how could she? It’s not the first time she’s sent me there. I had to put up with Ripper a sleek bengal, who always took the best spot on top of the cupboard, basking in the sun and that roly poly Bijou, who snored all day long on top of her cage – not very attractive.
When I got home, I’d usually scratch the rug an extra long time and of course, ignore the human. But this time, I couldn’t stop purring and kept close to her. At night, I spread-eagled myself across her chest making sure she wouldn’t disappear again.
Us moggies are sensitive to the unexpected. Yesterday, after relaxing on the deck, I was forced to wander off because those scum-bag barkers from next door rushed out, scaring me. Typical, you can’t understand their yapping—it’s not friendly—so I took off, leaping over the fence and tumbling to the ground. I missed my dinner because they were outside for ages, so I had to sleep outside.
Slacker—that’s the human. There haven’t been any recent posts because she’s been going out heaps. I’m not impressed being left home alone. It’s almost daylight when she bursts in, a bit wonky on her legs. I’m about to bite her ankle, when she leans over and pounds my head with her her big mitt.
‘Hap-py New Year, Smud-gee. The human takes a couple of steps and crashes to the floor. She has tripped on one of my zip-zip toys. (Humans are pretty dumb ’cause they can’t see in the dark). On all fours she finds the couch, clambers up and soon is snoozing. I thought she might have found a new mate ’cause of her disappearances, but maybe, she’s been looking for one. Good luck. Her grooming is not up-to-scratch—she’s a bit feral!
Enough about the human. Recently, I’ve had a few more toys to add to my stash – a big woolly ball, a fish filled with catnip—pure bliss—and a bouncy sheep on a stretchy string which was fun until it hit me ‘bang’, in the head and now I’m scared of it.
And the Big News… My nemesis – that smarty paws from down the road – has been sent packing with his humans, so now I have my territory back and more. Purrfect! Every morning after waking my human with a whack, ‘Get me some breakfast and open the backdoor, ‘ I’ll lounge out on the deck and survey my domain. What more could a moggie want?